Yes...see you later...

I'm writing this far too late...too much time to think about this all...but I digress. I sit here, in my new cubicle for today, still thinking about how much of an asshole I think I am.  I hate doing things that might hurt someone else...which is all I think I did to someone so awesome. I feel so cruel...but I know with my brain that I made the right choice...as much as my heart disagrees with me.  I realize now, that what I was doing to both of us was far worse that what I've done...our priorities were all mixed up... I'm really sorry for letting my heart do most of the thinking... While it's much to early for you, it's been far too long for me... I wanted someone. Someone special. But that wasn't meant to be you... You've always said since we met, which feels like eons ago, that I've saved your life. That statement is always repeating itself in my head, lately, constantly reminding me that even though I cut you off like a complete asshole...I can still take some solace in knowing that I've helped you, even it was just a smidgen. The fact that you did bad stuff made me want to be with you even more, so that I could be there if something ever went wrong...I have such a big heart, but it feels so small. I miss you already. However, continuing to continue the awesome friendship we had would just make me not want to see anyone else, which was where my train of behaviour was on it's way to.  I have to make a note to myself that I'm still just a boy, and I have a LOT more shit to experience in life. This is just the beginning for me. For us, actually. Our lives are just starting to flourish in this crazy world; I've got my new, boring office job, and you've got 2 beautiful children that need your focus. We both have so much potential in us, we're both intelligent people, and we both have big hearts, haha... My stomach is hurting just typing about everything, but I think it's necessary... It was an amazing honour to meet you, and to find someone as awesome as you. Perhaps too awesome.  Showing up at your door that night, dressed like I was, only to end it all in the morning was a big FT, and I apologize for that... You are always awesome, and forever will be. Maybe one day I can be awesome enough to see the light and know my priorities...but until then, see you 'round, you spiral eyed, Tiny Dancer.