The ridiculousness of it all.

I'm here. But so are you. So, why are we here?  Or should I ask; what are we here to do? I fear I might be turning in to a Philosopher; consumed with thought manifested from something that I could be completely aware of, but also completely oblivious to. I've been thinking a lot about simple fact of my existance, because it should be simple. It is, but it isn't at the same time. I'm a serious pot-head, and I know that, %100. I live in a home where it's accepted to smoke that. Now, is that a good thing? Or is it a bad thing? It is a good thing, because it's always wonderful to have your parents have something like that in common with you. In saying that, I'm starting to find it a little surreal to have something like THAT in common with your parents. I feel I've lived a far too sheltered life thus far in my journey. You see, I have this friend, and he'll remain nameless. It's very accurate to say that he's my mentor, and my best friend. I envy this person. A lot. Firstly, because he's my friend, and that's the most important thing. Secondly, he's been around the block a few times. Very big, far away blocks. I'm not going to tell you his life story, because that's his tale to sing; but he has this certain flair of reluctant independence that I see in his eyes, all of the time. I don't want to say I want that, because I don't know if I do. Although, I always know that if I do ever feel like pursuing my 'want' or 'need' for independence, that I'll always have a home base to come back to. Wow, that kind of defeats the entire purpose, doesn't it, lol. I spent an hour, last night, sitting on my basement kitchen counter, staring at a speck on the wall. Maybe that speck meant something important. It probably didn't. But, I never do that. My thinking like this could very well be a result of many things. I'm painfully aware that loneliness is playing in major role in affecting my mood. Lately especially. Fear is my demon for the time being. Fear of growing up. Fear of the thing I might want; independence. I feel like a god damned worm right now. About to cry at my cubicle. The only things that are making me happy right now is my music, and coffee. I don't even drink coffee, and it's providing me with some sort of mysterious solace. Ahh, that was a refreshing smoke. Oh yeah, and cigarettes. I'm supposed to quit by new years, but I hardly think that's possible now. Call me a quitter at quitting, heh. It's surprising how much blogging actually helps your brain. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, because maybe that's what it's supposed to do. I need something to distract my brain. The smoke isn't doing it for me as much anymore. I think it's actually making things a lot worse. I should at LEAST stop that in the new year. At least for a little while, lol. I need this, and I need that...so why don't I just fucking grasp them...

The ridiculousness of it all...

Alex.

Heh...

Don't even know why I'm writing this, because no one will probably read it. Whatever. I'm starting to learn a few tough lessons in life. One being, that you can't ever get to comfortable. What you think you have can just vanish right before your very eyes. Some cases it's necessary. I'm trying to program my brain to think that my last day on earth is tomorrow. Seems easy, but when your entire life was lived thinking that things matter, not so easy. It's like trying to get clockwork go in reverse. Things are going to break, but destruction is a form of creation, I suppose. Music is the only thing that I can really truly depend on in life, because it's what I make of it. I've recently acquired a taste for the blues; Buddy Guy being the one who invited me into it's warm, soulful embrace. It speaks to me in a way that's so enticing, but difficult to understand, much like everything else, haha. Being confined in this suffocating, beige cubicle isn't helping ANYTHING, but I'll just have to live with that aspect. I need to learn how to care about myself more than I care about others, which is a HUGE change. If you're my friend, I'll pour my heart out for you, and leave nothing left for me...well, I started writing this in the morning, and now it's the afternoon, and my mood has kind of changed. I feel a little better. Things will soon fall into place, I hope.

Alex.

Yes...see you later...

I'm writing this far too late...too much time to think about this all...but I digress. I sit here, in my new cubicle for today, still thinking about how much of an asshole I think I am.  I hate doing things that might hurt someone else...which is all I think I did to someone so awesome. I feel so cruel...but I know with my brain that I made the right choice...as much as my heart disagrees with me.  I realize now, that what I was doing to both of us was far worse that what I've done...our priorities were all mixed up... I'm really sorry for letting my heart do most of the thinking... While it's much to early for you, it's been far too long for me... I wanted someone. Someone special. But that wasn't meant to be you... You've always said since we met, which feels like eons ago, that I've saved your life. That statement is always repeating itself in my head, lately, constantly reminding me that even though I cut you off like a complete asshole...I can still take some solace in knowing that I've helped you, even it was just a smidgen. The fact that you did bad stuff made me want to be with you even more, so that I could be there if something ever went wrong...I have such a big heart, but it feels so small. I miss you already. However, continuing to continue the awesome friendship we had would just make me not want to see anyone else, which was where my train of behaviour was on it's way to.  I have to make a note to myself that I'm still just a boy, and I have a LOT more shit to experience in life. This is just the beginning for me. For us, actually. Our lives are just starting to flourish in this crazy world; I've got my new, boring office job, and you've got 2 beautiful children that need your focus. We both have so much potential in us, we're both intelligent people, and we both have big hearts, haha... My stomach is hurting just typing about everything, but I think it's necessary... It was an amazing honour to meet you, and to find someone as awesome as you. Perhaps too awesome.  Showing up at your door that night, dressed like I was, only to end it all in the morning was a big FT, and I apologize for that... You are always awesome, and forever will be. Maybe one day I can be awesome enough to see the light and know my priorities...but until then, see you 'round, you spiral eyed, Tiny Dancer. 

Let me tell you a story...

His name is Seraph, and his mission is clear;  find the coveted chalice of the gods. How he is supposed to accomplish this is very simple. He needs to use his super magical surfing abilities to find his way over to the Caves of the Dwarves, where he then will use his surfboard like a polearm to hack and slash his way through the stupid, magenta dwarven people. His goal in this cave is to receive the mystical bandana of forgiveness. He levels up, gaining 5 points in strength, and the Gardening Slash is now useable. With that, the path the Unknown Forest is revealed. He uses his newly acquired technique to cleave the tall, puke-green, grotesque kelp that stood in his way. What lies beneath the malevolent forest is unknown even to Seraph, but he has a feeling that something is in need of finding. He uses the Herbivore skill, giving his surfboard +7 damage against plant-type monsters. He encounters an undead lilac! *Gardening Slash* 79 damage to the lilac. "Fuh gew" chuckles Seraph, the usually silent main-character. He then stops at the snack bar to refill on health. Finally, after all of the waves of motorcycles and hula-hoops, Seraph has finally reached his destination. The King Tree. He now knows what needs to do. He'll use the pick-axe he got from one of the purple dwarves he brutally dismembered to punch a hole in the mammoth tree's trunk, to obtain the Sap of the Ancient Tree. He's heard many a rumour about the legendary sap. He knows this will not be an easy task, as it seems painfully quiet in the deep. dark abyss that is the forest. He slowly approaches the tree, wary of every sound being made. Suddenly, a rushing sound from out of the darkness! A HIBISCUSAURUS! Seraph is not prepared to face this pink goliath of a flower. He uses his forging knowledge to level his surfboard to class 3, turning it into a giant, bladed beach ball. He decimates the flower with his new-found orb with the help of Soccer Strike, causing 180% of regular damage by expanding MP. He extracts the Sap of the Ancient tree, and gains Wizardly Dieing Powers Level 10. He immediately uses the spell, which took him to the Grounds of the Gods. He used Forging level 5 and turned his Bladed Death-ball into a Pozitron Rifle, and headshots them all. And in the distance, his ultimate goal; the Chalice of the Gods. 

Since then, a reign of chaos spread like a plague 'cross the land. Seraph is happy.

Fin.

Nothing's wrong, but something's bothering me...

I couldn't really tell you what the feeling is....it's just something. It's been bugging me for a while now. At first I thought it could've been spirits, and maybe I'm still right, but it seems to be so much more than that. It kind of feels like my brain is at war with itself sometimes, and a part of me is finally starting to show it's face for the first time. I feel lots of fear, yeah...that's the emotion I'm feeling. I'm worrying too much about the future when I should be looking at what I can do right now. I'm afraid of growing up, because it terrifies the shit out of me. Being responsible is easy, sometimes. I rely heavily on the Queen and the Kingdom for support...and I realize that it could really turn into a bad thing if it continues... Too many things are bothering me, man...but It's like I said; nothing's wrong at all. The fact that I'm single bothers the shit out of me, and I'm not one to just go out and find a girl to talk to, or straight up have sex. That's not me. It's very hard for me to do that...and because that's not me, am I doomed to not find a girl until I'm 30? See...there I go again, thinking about the future...heh. It almost feels as if I'm completely alone, but I know that to not be the case. I have the best family and friends a guy could ask for. But something is still missing... I can't know what it is, but it's burning a hole in my brain. At least Snowboarding will take things off of my mind for a few months...thank god the snow fell early, this year, heh. Ah, well. I know it's not much, but I'm not good at thinking of words, right now. I must take my leave. Hope you enjoyed it =D.

Alex 

This toke's for you.

Okay.

It's late.

I'm very tired.

I'm also very stoned.

I've been smoking since 6.

It has been a long day.

If you're looking for a story plot.

This story doesn't really have a certain direction.

It's only going with my thought flowing process.

But then again, my thought processes are pretty jammed.

So, I hope you're enjoying my wonderful story of crap.

On a side note, I should be doing more productive activities.

Like, playing my guitar, doing my "homework", but, I sit here, writing.

It's hard making each sentence have one more word than the last one...

I'm getting very bored of this, very quickly, yet, I cannot pull myself away.

I wonder how many more lines of this uselessness I should do to occupy myself.

Hmm, since I'm doing this, why don't I actually write about something that will entertain people.

Problem being, I can't really think of anything to write about...so that kinda sucks for me...

Actually, it sucks for you if you somehow managed to muster the brainpower to continue reading this rant.

YOU should be doing more productive things. like reading a newspaper, or hunting something, like an Ox, or Dinosaurs.

This song is really freaking me out; It's making me feel like I'm an african tribe prisoner being spit-roasted.

Wow, that was the 20th line of stupid I've written and I realize that I haven't written a morsel of story.

I'm thinking I should stop this soon, but this sentence game I'm playing is actually quite entertaining, to say the very least.

Hey, did you know that Emus can't walk backwards? Okay, this is two sentences, I'm cheating, I just want to provide some knowledge (try).

Well, I took a breif intermission from my amazing writings of rantatious stonerized stupidityism, and I'm about ready to deal with incredible dreams that await.

Anywho, that's it for my little game, and if you got this far, I'm impressed at your fortitude for not worrying about time you've lost.

Alex.

The Kingdom.

Well, hello everyone! I'm quite new to this whole blogging scene. My name is Alex. 

Now I write.

I've seemed triggered a small earthquake in the foundation of my very kingdom. 

A kingdom of absolute greatness.

But what I've seemed to have done is bring someone into that kingdom.

This someone is a recent friend I have made. And that it shall stay.

Sadly to say, she's the reason that my kingdom is a-quaking.

You see, this Prince is a lone wolf, and only has a handful of friends.

So, this damsel, is an awesome friend, a mother of 2 children, and a widowed wife.

I envy her fortitude.

I have spent a lot of time with this damsel during the past fortnight.

And I get the message, that the almighty Queen has invited the damsel over for tea.

Not having many damsel friends in the past, the Queen is expecting much. 

So, natually, a Queens Prince comes home with what she hopes to be a potential "Princess", so to speak.

But what she finds is the biggest threat to the kingdom she's seen this Prince bring to the Palace.

I can understand where her thought processes are going on this one, but I believe the Queen is being a little bit silly and jumping to FAR too many conclusions.

Plus the Queen must had a little bit too much tea before the party actually began.

That went good. Kinda like a tornado of crazyness.

But she's the Queen, and to this Prince, that's not something easily ignored.

It's always been very hard for this Prince to escape the powerful clutch of his Queen.

She binds this Prince, as pathetic as this is making him seem.

She is, after all, a very powerful woman; in presence and aura.

I realize that since my life has forever been dictated around the Palace Walls, I must watch what I bring into the front gates.

This may not be important to many of you, but I feel that the only thing I can really do is write about it. 

The only person to be talked to about all of this has already been talked to, so I turn to the internet.

I wonder what all of you have to say about this. About everything. Everything.

To love, you must sometimes let go.

Many have tried explaining this one to the Queen, but it proved useless.

She loves far too much.

Heart of solid gold, the mind of a great General, and the mentality of a hippie.

I fear for the Queen.

I fear that when this Prince finally leaves the Palace, she will become ill, ridden with worry.

This Prince will stay friends with the damsel, whether the Queen likes it or not.

He knows the difference between a good friend, and a bad friend.

She is worried that because this Prince has not had a damsel he could call his own for a very long time, he will fixate himself unto this new damsel in his life.

I assure you, this Prince is far stronger than that. So he thinks.

I am completely aware of the shitstorm that this shituation could bring down.

But I know where the Prince and the damsel are NOT going. And that's what's important.

The Queen can rest easy, because her Prince actually has a decent head on his shoulders.

I love the Queen, but I also love the ones I choose to be my friends. 

Alex.